In The Line of Duty
by Microdotty
Summary: Working for the Agency demands a huge sacrifice. Complete
1. The Funeral

Author: Microdotty

Time Setting:  Post season 4

Synopsis:  Working for the Agency demands a huge sacrifice

Rated PG-13

Don't own them, just want to have fun with them

Part 1: The Funeral

            The vivid colors of the red, white and blue draping the coffin contrasted sharply with the green Astroturf covering the mound of dirt excavated from the grave site, and with the stark white of the snow blanketing the surrounding area.  William Melrose stood solemnly in front of the casket, his head bowed and uncovered.  He hated this part of his job and although it didn't happen frequently, once was too many times.  Next to him, Francine Desmond stood, weeping silent tears, her slender body shaking in the bitter cold. She glanced to her left at the profile of her best friend, a friend in a job that didn't afford many.  Lee Stetson showed no emotion as he stared blankly ahead.  He was aware of nothing but the flag-draped box in front of him.  A box that contained the body of the only person he had ever loved, the woman who had come into his life a little over four years ago and saved him from himself.  What would he ever do without her?

            The muffled sound of a sob to his left triggered a response in Lee and he tightened his hold around the shoulders of his mother-in-law, Dotty West.  As he did his best to comfort her, the honor guard moved into position around the coffin and grasped the edges of the flag.  With crisp movements they snapped and folded it into a perfect triangle while the mournful notes of Taps played by a lone bugler pierced the winter silence.  They passed the flag from man to man until it reached Dr. Smyth, director of the Agency.  With great solemnity, he presented it to Mrs. West, in honor and gratitude for the great service her daughter had rendered the country. 

            Dotty hugged the flag to herself and sobbed.  Her two grandsons, Philip and Jamie wrapped their arms around her, crying.  Lee stepped back to allow them a chance to grieve together, thinking how unfair it was that the two boys would now have to grow up without a mother, for Lee knew exactly what that was like.  He knew their grandmother would always be there for them, as would he, if they could ever forgive him for taking their mother away.  He had been their stepfather for a little less than a year, but they had had known it for only two days, when he had broken the news to them that Amanda had been killed in the line of duty.

To Be Continued


	2. Next of Kin

Part 2: Next of Kin (2 days earlier)  
  


Lee brought his hand up to the white painted door and froze, steeling himself for the coming ordeal. The pain he felt inside was indescribable and now he would be the cause of pain for three more. Billy had volunteered to break the news of Amanda's death, but Lee had argued that it was his responsibility. He had told Billy the secret then. Billy was stunned as he realized just how much Lee had lost when Amanda was killed. He had lost not only his partner, but his wife. Lee stared at his fist, willing himself to knock, when suddenly the door flew open and a mini whirlwind of boys nearly knocked him down.

"Oh man, Lee, we're sorry," said the older of the two, Philip King, as he bent down to retrieve the basketball he had dropped after running into Lee.

Jamie pushed his glasses up and squinted at Lee, adding, "Yeah, sorry. Mom's not home, but Grandma's in the kitchen."

"Hey, we're going to the school gym to shoot some hoops. Want to come with us? We'll even spot you a few points," Philip teased, reminding Lee of the last time they had played ball together. Jamie and Philip had teamed up against him, slaughtering him in the process, making him feel every one of his 37 years.

Love for his two young stepsons overwhelmed him and using all his resources, he successfully covered the emotions threatening to erupt. Swallowing hard, he reached out to Jamie and tousled his hair, then thumped Philip on the back. "Not this time, guys. I still haven't recovered from our last game. Besides, I need to talk to your grandmother."

"Well, we'll be at the school if you feel like getting back at us," Philip grinned up at him. And with that, they were gone, tossing the ball between them as they flew down the sidewalk.

Lee took the couple of steps that brought him into the house. The house was the same, yet different. It felt so lifeless without her. He glanced at the stairs, half-expecting Amanda to be walking down them, waiting for her sweet voice to welcome him in. He nearly lost it as it hit him again that he would never again hear her call him sweetheart, never feel her slender fingers entwine with his, never feel her soft lips press against his. Blocking out the pain, he called out, "Dotty, it's me, Lee. Philip and Jamie let me in."

"Lee, I'm in the kitchen, so just make yourself at home. I'm just getting some tea. Would you like anything?" 

Stepping into the den, Lee looked around, tears filling his eyes as he thought about all the love now missing from the house. He called out, "No thanks, Dotty. I'm fine." He couldn't sit, so he paced the room in long strides.

"Amanda's not home," Dotty said as she walked into the den, carrying a mug of steaming tea. Seeing him she was immediately concerned. "Lee, dear, what's wrong?" Looking at him closely, she saw his great sorrow and the tender sympathy for her in his eyes, and somehow she knew. She collapsed onto the couch, spilling her tea onto the carpet, staring up at him in horror.

Lee sat next to her and surrounded her slight frame with his arms, gathering her close. Slowly, gently, he whispered, "I'm sorry, Dotty, but I have some bad news. It's Amanda."

"NO," Dotty said forcefully. "NO!"

"Dotty, Amanda is dead," he choked out, the tears he had successfully suppressed for so long, finally flowing down his face. "She was killed today, in the line of duty."

For several minutes, neither one said anything as they cried together. Finally, Dotty pushed back from Lee, her eyes still brimming with tears, and with a voice choked with emotion asked, "What happened, Lee? And, what do you mean in the line of duty? Since when is working for a film company considered dangerous work? I don't understand any of this."

Lee took her hands in his and replied, "Dotty, I need to tell you something about Amanda that she had to keep secret from you. She didn't work for a film company. I don't work for a film company. Dotty, Amanda was an intelligence operative, as am I, and she's been working for the government as my partner."

Dotty stared at him in disbelief. "My baby's a spy? No, she couldn't keep anything like that from me. She doesn't lie, Lee!"

"Oh, Dotty, if you only knew how hard it was for her. She wanted to tell you, but she took an oath that she wouldn't reveal it. I'm breaking my oath right now, but I thought you deserved the truth from me, especially since I blame myself for her death."

"What do you mean, you blame yourself? Were you there, Lee?" Then softly, her voice cracking, she added, "Did she suffer?" 

Lee shook his head, "No, I wasn't there. I wish to hell I had been. Maybe I could have done something." Lee swallowed hard and continued, "Dotty, it was quick. I understand she didn't feel anything. As for why I blame myself, I'm the one who recruited her as an agent, so it's my fault she was in that situation. I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

"Lee, I know you loved my daughter. She loved you, too. You made her happy." She squeezed his hands, comfortingly, and began to cry again.

Quietly, Lee replied, "Yeah, I loved her; she was my whole life." Taking a deep breath, he went on, "Which brings me to something else you need to know. Amanda and I were married nearly a year ago. She's my wife." Lee paused at Dotty's sharp intake of breath, before continuing, "We didn't tell you because we were trying to protect you and the boys. Public acknowledgment of our marriage would have made all of you targets."

Angrily, she replied, "So instead, she was the target."

Lee sighed deeply. "Dotty, I understand your anger, and I'll understand if you never forgive me. But you have to know I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat. I wish I could have kept her shielded from the danger, but Amanda was damn good at her job, and she died doing that job."

"Oh, Lee, what are we going to do without her?" Dotty cried.

Lee hugged her, and answered, "Truthfully, Dotty, I don't know. I just don't know."

Suddenly, Dotty wailed aloud, "Philip and Jamie! How am I going to tell the boys? Lee, what do I tell them? "

"Dotty, if you want, I'll stay here with you until they come back, and I'll break the news. But, if you'd rather never see me again, I'll leave now."

"Please stay, Lee. Amanda loved you, and I know Philip and Jamie love you. I might not understand the reasons she kept her life a secret from me, but I've always respected her decisions. We're family, Lee."

Lee smiled through the glint of tears in his eyes. "Thank you, Dotty. I'm proud to be part of this family, and I love each one of you, too. I just wish I had had more opportunities to show it."

Soberly, Dotty asked, "Lee, what can you tell me about Amanda's death? I really need to know."

Lee sat back and sighed. "I'll tell you as much as I know." With that he closed his eyes and thought back to that morning, when his life had changed forever.  
  



	3. In the Line of Duty

**Part 3:  In the Line of Duty   (same day, 8 hours earlier)**

            Lee Stetson woke to brilliant sunlight streaming through his bedroom window.  He groaned and turned his face away from the brightness, hiding his face in his pillow while he instinctively reached over to Amanda's side of the bed, searching for her.  Finally, he was awake enough to remember that she was still on assignment.  His eyes flew open as he recalled that she was due back that morning. He glanced at his watch and realized that she should already be back in DC.  In fact, she might even be on her way to the apartment.

            He leaped out of bed and raced to the bathroom where he had a quick shower.  He shaved in such haste that he nicked himself in a couple of places and had to put little pieces of tissue on the cuts to stem the flow of blood. He shook his head and laughed when he looked in the mirror, thinking how Amanda would react to his tissue-dotted face.  He dressed, picked up the clutter that had accumulated in the two weeks Amanda had been away, and threw the empty pizza box from last night's dinner into the trash.  Checking out the kitchen, he was grateful that he had taken the time to wash the dishes the night before.

            He went to the sofa and perched on the edge.  He couldn't wait for Amanda to get back; since their marriage they had never been apart this long. He looked at his watch again, surprised to see that two hours had passed since he had woken up.  Jumping up from the sofa, he started pacing.  She should definitely be back by now.  He was tempted to call the Agency to find out her status, but quelled his impulse.

            He was getting nervous now, and it showed. This assignment wasn't Amanda's first solo, yet Lee was beginning to feel a sense of dread.  Something was wrong, he just knew it.  'Calm down, man,' he thought to himself.  Aloud he said to the empty apartment, "She'll be home soon and everything will be fine."  He knew though that nothing would be okay until he could hold Amanda in his arms again, and reassure himself that she was safe.

            The minutes kept ticking by and Lee had just glanced at the time again when he heard a knock on the door.  Breathing a giant sigh of relief he crossed over to the door and threw it open.  "Welcome back, honey.  You don't know how much I've missed . . ." He stopped short as he realized he was addressing Billy.  "Uhh, sorry, Billy, I thought you were somebody else."

            Billy smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes, which Lee suddenly realized were filled with pain and sorrow.

            "May I come in, Lee?"  Billy asked in a subdued tone.

            Lee shuddered.  He knew that Billy's presence at his door meant only one thing.  "Sure, come in, Billy."

            Billy entered the apartment and walked toward the living area.  Lee closed the door and rested his forehead against it, not wanting to have to hear what his boss, his friend, had come to tell him.  He jerked around when he heard Billy call his name.  

            "Lee, I have bad news."  

            Lee heard nothing else but the sound of blood rushing through his ears.  He looked at Billy and slowly shook his head.  He didn't have to hear the words.  He didn't want to hear the words.  Somehow, Lee made it to the sofa where he sat down, his hands cradling his head.  Billy was still talking, ". . . didn't suffer.  If there's anything I can do for you, man, just tell me."


	4. Back at the Cemetery

**Part 4:  Back at the Cemetery**

            The sun was beginning to set, and the group of mourners had long departed.  A solitary man still stood at the edge of the grave, lost in pain and heartache.  A cemetery worker approached him and began speaking.

            "Sir?  Sir?"  The voice finally penetrated Lee's reverie.  "We're ready to finish up here, if you're ready to go."  Lee stared at the man blankly for a few seconds before the words sank in.  Didn't the man understand that he couldn't leave?  He couldn't leave Amanda alone in the cold ground.  He looked at the gaping hole in the earth that was soon to swallow his wife.  All he wanted to do was jump in the hole and be with her forever.  Instead, he nodded at the man, turned and walked away, knowing he would never again in his life feel the love he had been blessed with for too short a time.

The End


	5. Epilogue

**Part 5:  Epilogue:  the cop-out ending, to be read only by true romantics    (Q Bureau, May, 1986)**

**WARNING:  Do not read this ending if you require realism!**

            Lee grabbed the cup of coffee on his desk and took a big gulp, grimacing as he swallowed the cold, bitter liquid.   No matter how many times he imagined a future with Amanda, it always turned out the same, with her dead, and this time the scenario had been perfected to a T.  That was why he could never let Amanda know of his feelings for her, why he could never act on them, why he could never allow himself to get close to her.  He thought back to his date with Leslie the night before.  Now, this was a relationship that was progressing nicely. She was exactly what he needed, and he didn't have to worry about her safety constantly.  She was a professional, and not overly emotional, as Amanda could be.  (Nor was she as beautiful, loving, and warm, he couldn't help thinking.)  If he could just keep his distance from Amanda, everything would work out wonderfully.  That was it; all he had to do was keep from developing any more emotional attachments to his partner.  Professionally speaking, a relationship with a colleague was a bad idea, anyway. He glanced at his watch.  It was time for his meeting with Billy.  He poured the rest of his coffee into the cactus behind his desk, and made his way down to the office in the bullpen. 

            As soon as he walked into the office he was aware of her, the soft scent that surrounded her and it stirred him.  Keeping his eyes averted, he nodded in her general direction and focused his attention on Billy.  He tried to concentrate on what Billy was saying, but Amanda's nearness shook him to his very core.  Forcing himself to remember the future he had just envisioned, he attempted to push thoughts of her out of his mind.  Think about anything but her, think about . . . damn, what was her name? All he could see in his mind was Amanda.  He stared at Billy's lips; he was saying something, but what?  The woman sitting next to him filled his thoughts; a woman he couldn't ignore, but had to.  She laughed at something then, something Billy said, and the sound of her soft, sweet laughter pulled him in.  He made his mistake then; he glanced over at her, got caught in her gaze and was lost.

**            Really The End**


End file.
